help me.

i was 6 when i witnessed my own father that i looked up to beat his girl friend.. i always wanted to know why i never got to see him before this happened, after i didn’t want to see him. that night i hurt myself. i was six years old and i was finding sharp items to break through my skin with, i was finding ways to hurt myself. i put it all behind me and that was the only day i hurt myself, until i was 11. i saw my dad for the first time since he was physically abusing his girlfriend when i was six.. i was wearing a sweatshirt with my last name on it and he still didnt recognize me.. his own little girl. i knew i didnt mean anything to him anymore that dad. all the work i did to forgive him all thrown away because he didnt even care that i was right in front of him. the next time i saw him after that was very recently.. because my step dad saw a post i put on facebook about wanting to see my dad for christmas. as much as my step dad hated my real father for what he has put me and my mom through he called him as soon as he saw that post and set up a time for me to meet with my dad.. my dad agreed to later that day. the second i saw him he came with so much love. he made promises to me and he acted like he wanted to be in my life so much.. as soon as i asked a question about the past he was left, he didnt call after that. this was two days before christmas. on christmas i sat by my phone waiting and waiting for a call… i got nothing. christmas night i cut. christmas eve i was so happy.. all day on christmas, i was half way happy. i was depressed on christmas. no one knows my feelings. when i tell my friends they think im stupid and only some of them are here for me and only some understand. :/ im losing friends.. and i dont knwo what to do about it. please help me. i have scars on my feet, my hips, my wrists, my upper arms.. everywhere. everywhere hurts. i have words like SLUT and LOVE and DAD carved into my skin because those are the labels or things i lack in my life. please someone help me.

#self harm  #reason  #story  #submission  

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